Football season is here. Like every other white guy on the planet (hi Stephen A. Smith!) I have a fantasy football draft coming up. I will also be scouring the nets for information on Week 1 NFL games, since I've had much more success (no jinx no jinx) at Fantasy Sports Live (bonus code BONDS obv) that I ever have had in season-long leagues.

So I'll be doing that this weekend and hitting the golf course. Poker tables will be a poor third in terms of priority.

Speaking of poker -- the only play for me this week was the Mookie. I had the pretty thrilling (sarcasm level HIGH) experience of having Hoy, LJ and Lucko in a line on my left, which - as you would expect - pretty much meant no blind was left unstolen. I was in pretty good shape for a while after Lucko went into spew mode and doubled me twice, but the deck got very very cold in hour 2. I was able to steal the blinds once with KQo, but otherwise I saw hand after hand of queen rag or nine rag as my stack dwindled away. I finally got an ace (woo A9s), raised and got a call from LJ, who had 99 and flopped the case 9. I got one ace but no miracle card and "went home" in 25th. Didn't play well, didn't play horribly.

So let's get that weekend started. Yay football season. Ooh, now that I think about it I have an unusued FSL-related domain name sitting around. I need another blog.

I got nothin'.

Played the donkament on Friday. Was more than a little surprised to get a snap call when I shoved over the top of a preflop raiser in hour 2. Why was I surprised? Caller was poised to stack off with A5s. Ace five suited. Double you tee eff.

No respect.

Oh, and I lost the hand LDO. I run so good.

Poker isn't going to be a priority for a while. There are just too many other things to do. Once December rolls around I'll have hours with nothing better to do, but not before then. Very much looking forward to the start of college football season this week and the three day weekend upcoming.

Later.

1. Yes, it's rigged.
2. Yes, [any site] is trying to steal your money.
3. No, you won't be allowed to cash out successfully. See #2.
4. No, it's not fair that you're being held to the Terms of Use.
5. Yes, [any site] is down. See #2.
6. Yes, [any payment processing site] is trying to steal your money.
7. You either (a) multi-accounted, (b) registered fraudulently, (c) sent in fake information or (d) otherwise lied like a mofo. See also #4.
8. Yes, [stupid rumor] is undoubtedly true.
9. No, Patrick Antonius is not ghey as far as I know.
10. If your question hasn't otherwise been answered, see #1.




{I obviously just wasted a bunch of time reading online poker forums. Good lord are people retarded, and that's a fighting insult to retards everywhere.}

Also, you should not be rude to your hostess:

Full Tilt Poker Game: Friday Nite Blogger Donkament, Table 1 - 50/100 - No Limit Hold'em - 21:58:50 ET - 2008/08/22
Seat 1: ThizzyMarley1 (15,475)
Seat 2: on_thg (12,600)
Seat 3: bdidde (14,580)
Seat 4: OhCaptain (16,425)
Seat 5: Julius_Goat (19,150)
Seat 6: katitude (3,150)
Seat 7: Jestocost (4,100)
Seat 8: Joanne1111 (1,000)
Seat 9: cemfredmd (7,520)
ThizzyMarley1 posts the small blind of 50
on_thg posts the big blind of 100
The button is in seat #9
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to on_thg [Kd Ks]
Joanne1111: lololol
katitude: good lord
bdidde folds
on_thg: that deserves a BOOOOOM
katitude: sooorigged
OhCaptain folds
Julius_Goat: and that is what I'm talkin' bout
Julius_Goat folds
katitude calls 100
Joanne1111: BOOOM so rigged BOOOOM so rigged
Jestocost folds
Joanne1111 folds
cemfredmd folds
ThizzyMarley1 calls 50
katitude: lol
on_thg raises to 12,600, and is all in
katitude calls 3,050, and is all in
katitude: fine
ThizzyMarley1 folds
on_thg shows [Kd Ks]
katitude shows [3d Ah]
Uncalled bet of 9,450 returned to on_thg
*** FLOP *** [Ad Td Tc]
*** TURN *** [Ad Td Tc] [Qd]
*** RIVER *** [Ad Td Tc Qd] [Jd]
on_thg shows a Royal Flush
katitude shows a flush, Ace high
on_thg wins the pot (6,400) with a Royal Flush
katitude adds 2,000
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 6,400 | Rake 0
Board: [Ad Td Tc Qd Jd]
Seat 1: ThizzyMarley1 (small blind) folded before the Flop
Seat 2: on_thg (big blind) showed [Kd Ks] and won (6,400) with a Royal Flush
Seat 3: bdidde didn't bet (folded)
Seat 4: OhCaptain didn't bet (folded)
Seat 5: Julius_Goat didn't bet (folded)
Seat 6: katitude showed [3d Ah] and lost with a flush, Ace high
Seat 7: Jestocost didn't bet (folded)
Seat 8: Joanne1111 didn't bet (folded)
Seat 9: cemfredmd (button) didn't bet (folded)

1. The role of Ensign Wesley Crusher on Star Trek:TNG was actually played by Tiger Woods and not Wil Wheaton, as this photo evidence proves:

(photo obv. ganked from WWdn)

2. Sometimes good things happen to busto poker players. Best bad beat story I've read in a while.

3. Those M&M cookie ice cream sandwiches are disturbingly delicious.

I don't play on Sundays, because Sundays are full up on family obligations.

I don't play on Mondays, because I'm usually at work long after dark.

I don't play on Tuesdays, because golf league and post golf league drinking are far more important.

I don't play on Wednesdays, because it's rigged and besides the Mookie starts too late.

I don't play on Thursdays, because I have to mow the lawn and take out the trash some time.

I don't play on Fridays, because I'm too tired it's been a long week and I just want to veg, besides I won't have a stable connection anyway.

I don't play on Saturdays, because I'm golfing, napping, rinsing and repeating.

I don't play on Sundays, because wait I already did this one.

I don't play, I guess.

Excuses, I've got 99, and "because I suck at poker" ain't one.

I ran so well this weekend that I even managed to lose money on the Olympics.

That's right, I went 0 for 3 prop betting on the stupid Olympics.

I could have gotten it all back, though, if I had found a taker for my last prop - white guy to finish last in a 100 meter dash qualifying heat.

I even offered odds. No takers.

I have a theory. I doubt that it's new, but I'm too lazy to do a search. The theory is that each person is allotted "X" amount of luck over the course of his or her lifetime. The kicker is that the luck isn't evenly distributed - some people are a little lucky on a regular basis, while others are super lucky on super rare occasions and get kicked in the balls the rest of the time.

I'm sure hoping that I get super lucky at some point.

Poker was played. It was not successful. I should have known that it was going to be a rough night at the charity room when I received AA ... and had it cracked by A6o. Yep. Dude called a sizable preflop raise with no special position (I was UTG+1, he was in MP) and ace six unsuited.

I rebought for the max and just bled. I didn't hit a single draw. No sets. Pretty much every hand I played brought the opposite on the board. The one hand where I actually improved - woo two pair woo - I doubled up a shorty who rivered a straight flush. It took four hours and fifteen minutes before I won a single pot.

Needless to say, it was the worst night I've had in a while even with a late comeback.

On Saturday, I had a little spare time, so I took a shot at one of those beginner SnGs on Bodog that Smokkee is always going on about. The stupid thing took forever. As the 2nd shortest stack, I finally knocked out the shorty on the bubble, which moved me comfortably above the new short stack in chips. Right away - I think it was the next hand - I get hosed of course when the short stack shoves AJo into my AQs and he turns a jack. Stellar. Tilt.

I wasn't much more successful on the golf course. In good shape after a 78 on Saturday, I couldn't do much of anything right yesterday and ended up fifth, ten or twelve shots back.

Probably not much play coming up this week for me. You have the usual slew of blogger games to choose from and maybe I'll jump in to one of them, but probably not. Poker sucks.

If you can read this, it's time for another beer.
-- golf cart graffiti

Another weekend is upon us and I for one cannot f'n wait.

Club championship at the golf course this weekend. I'm not like some people and have no shot at the top division, but I'll be out there hacking it up both days. Weather forecast is awesome.

I'll probably try and squeeze in a little live poker as well, but that remains to be determined.

Also up: Figuring out just exactly how cool PRESEASON fantasy football on Fantasy Sports Live (dot com LDO, bonus code BONDS double LDO) is. Prediction: Way.

Have a good one!

I'm in work avoidance mode at the moment, so I've been busy trying to find a flight to Las Vegas for the WPBT Winter Classic*. I think I've found one, on Delta. I don't think I've ever flown Delta before, what with living in the NWA monopoly zone and all. Flying Delta, of course, means flying through either Cincinnati or Atlanta - flying east and south in order to go west (and, uh, south). No airlines around here with a nice hub in, say, St. Louis, to break up the agony of a four hour flight crammed into a coach seat. RIP, TWA (ehh not so much).

My first option will be to call up the nearly bankrupt airline that I have a free ticket coupon for and see if they'll let me use it a few days beyond a year. I doubt they will (thus the Delta plan) and even if they do it'd probably feel like russian roulette - will they stay in business long enough for me to get there and back? Then again, that's true of any airline. Stupid oil prices.

If I can't use my coupon to go to Vegas, I'll have to try and use it to take a mini-vacation trip sometime in the next couple of months. Probably Minnesota. But Philadelphia would be fun. Hmm, I wonder how much time I can take off here?

The funny thing - well, it's funny to me anyway - about the Delta schedule is that I'll end up getting in Thursday night, probably not getting a room until Friday, then checking out Sunday morning prior to the Sunday night redeye coming back. Basically no sleep 2 out of 4 nights.

You'd think I'd learn, but no -- saving like $200 is still > coming back fully alive.

I think it's probably for the best that I have almost four months to rest up.

No other poker content. I think I may have improved my home internet connection, but we'll see if it holds up to the challenge of online play chip poker. I might stop by the Riverchasers tonight. Maybe.

It is a beautiful thing to do nothing.
And then rest afterward.
-- Spanish "proverb", cited in a book I read this weekend

Word.

Another weekend has come and gone. By the time I get this up, some as yet unknown portion of the work week will also be over.

Yeah, that's right, my ISP took a dump again. At least this time they acknowledge that there is a problem. No timeline on fixing it, though. It's affecting work too, which really sucks. It would appear that I'm an internet addict. It's a problem.

On the poker front, I got in one decent session of about five hours on Saturday. It was your usual assortment of nits, gambloids and n00bs at the charity room.

Within the first hour, something happened that I have never experienced before. Seriously. I got dealt pocket aces - an exceptionally rare thing by itself - on back to back hands. Two in a row. Wow! I only won about twenty bucks total, but a win is a win is a win. And it shows that there is indeed a first time for everything.

After a while, we were joined by an African American gentleman who embarked on a ridiculous heater. He accumulated a stack mostly by betting huge amounts and getting folds, and then things went crazy. He played three consecutive hands blind. He told the table he was playing blind. He bet hard when faced with no resistance. Without looking. He ended up making top two, a set and top two (I think) and won something like $400-500 in five minutes. If his opponents had had any kind of stacks, he easily could have won two or three times that.

Live poker. So rigged.

Once Mr. Heater cooled off, I picked up most of a stack from him when I made a flush. It was a dubious decision to call on the flop with a super weak pair and a gutshot straight flush draw, but I got heads up and knew I'd get paid big if I hit. Turns out I was ahead the whole way.

The game broke and I changed tables later, finding a slightly tougher crew. I bled chips for a while and then dumped the rest of my gains by horribly misplaying AK. Got up and left with a $1 profit. Yes. Profit.

Good times.

My live game continues to be poor. I play way too many hands, especially out of position. I don't raise or three bet nearly enough. I'm loath to shove even in situations where it would clearly be a +EV move. I play a highly defensive, trapping style that is only successful - and marginally at that - because there are several players who just plain suck. It's weak poker and it would make anyone who knows the game ill if forced to watch it in action.

All I can do is try to improve a little bit at a time. In order to really make a leap, I'd have to play fearlessly. That will never happen. I don't have much of a bankroll - honestly, having held on to my initial buy in plus winnings over the last six weeks makes for the longest I've ever had any kind of segregated "bankroll". There are always better uses for whatever I've got. Bottom line, the money - at any stakes - will never be meaningless. Which is why I will never be much of a gambler or poker player.

I'm okay with that.

Then again, if I ever win the lottery, I'll probably turn into the biggest spewtard you've ever met. Be sure to watch this space just in case that happens.

alt hed: Now I remember why I've really started to hate multi-table tournaments

I missed almost all of the first hour of Dr. Pauly's tournament, arriving home maybe ten minutes before the first break. After a quick trip through the blinds I had 720 chips.

A blind steal, followed by another. I busted a shorty - even shorter than me - when he called my TT shove with KQo and didn't hit. I wasn't up to average at that point, but I was getting there.

And then it was time for the Degree be-careful-what-you-wish-for moment:

Hijack raises. Cutoff reraises all in. I'm on the button with AA. I shove over the top for not much more (duh). The big blind has everybody covered and he shoves. Hijack folds.

AA vs. QQ for the big blind vs. 99 for the cutoff.

Do you really think aces won? That I picked up enough chips to get into the top 20 with more than double the average stack?

Uh, right. Can I interest you in this fine bridge?

So anyway I busted in the middle of the pack and got a good night's sleep. Time to surf around and see who is Borgata bound.

Good times.

but Dr. Pauly's big 5 year celebration tournament is TONIGHT. Stars, 9pm ET. Go win yourself a seat to a big buyin event at the Borgata. There were over 160 entrants as of last night, but still, where are you going to find better odds? Nowhere, that's where.

Also up tonight as far as I know are the Skillz Series and NYRambler's Series, both on Full Tilt.

Little poker in the pipeline for me before the weekend.

Saturday evening. Instead of sitting on my ass for umpteen hours - hey, I'm not that dude from the Borgata - at the charity poker room, I'm sitting on my ass waiting to head out for some festival fireworks. Good ones.

I know I brag on these fireworks every year, but they are seriously kick ass.

It's an absolutely perfect evening - about 70 degrees, no humidity, light breeze.

Oh, nuts, I just realized that I forgot my camera, so I can't take any pictures of retarded tattoos or stupid drunks. Bummer.

I did get in a session yesterday. It was not remarkable. I won a decent pot with a suited connector when I turned a flush and got paid on the river. Other than that, I stayed out of trouble. It helped that I didn't get a pocket pair bigger than 7s and only had a big ace (AK) once. It was a super limpy table early, then a couple of the more gambly azn guys decided to start raising to $15 every hand after they got some chips. I folded a lot and ended up winning about sixty bucks. More than enough to cover gas and last week's "loss".

Playing anywhere in this area is really like playing a big home game. Really. It's always the same people. After fewer than ten sessions, I can identify about thirty people by name. A few are starting to remember me (although oddly enough not by name, since there's rarely a list and not many of them ask). I'm starting to know who will raise the pot on the button or if it's limped to them in the big blind. I've identified a couple guys I don't want to tangle with. I know a couple guys who will lead out strong with flush draws and crap like TPLOLK. I'm getting information. Slowly. A real player would have a book by now. @me: I suck.

I give a lot of credit to the Charitable Gaming division for making the charity poker rules pretty player-friendly. They've adapted over time to the point where it's really hard to tell the difference between a well run charity room and a casino room. One minor nit - the amount of chips that the charity can sell is pretty low, and once they're gone they're gone, no reselling. On Fridays, they seem to be sold out by about 9:00 pm, which means that late arrivals are out of luck. If I knew I was going to play late, I think I would consider buying an extra stack and sticking it in my pocket just in case - ethical? Maybe, maybe not.

Time to go wander around the festival, maybe get an ice cream.

LOL.

Really:

"If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don't seem to have much of an issue," L.A. police chief William Bratton pointed out to KNBC-TV as he called a proposed shutterbug crackdown a "farce."

Yup.

Take away the insanity and L.A. would just be Topeka with better beaches.