It's all fun until somebody suffers a flesh wound.

Posting is going to be very light around here for a couple weeks. Work followed by a little vacation followed by more work. And then some more work on top of that. No poker will have been played, and I may not hit the tables until the SCOOP rolls around.

Really, it's probably for the best.

I haven't quite attained the legendary cooler abilities of Waffles, but I'm on some kind of roll. I figured out on Friday night that I had a great chance to win a NCAA pool if Tennessee beat Michigan State and (especially) if Baylor beat Dook.

Bzzzzzzzzzt. 0 for 2.

Now I'm pretty much out of it.

And then my last winter sports rooting interest went down in double OT in the hockey bracket after some seriously lousy officiating.

Bzzzzzzzzzt. FAIL.

It's a good thing I don't bet on sports - if I did, I'd be better off just lighting the money on fire. At least that way I'd get a micro hit of heat and light.

Stick finally had had enough. There had been one too many bad beats. He decided to take a break from internet poker.

"I don't need poker," Stick said, "I can get just as much pleasure out of watching TV!"


Unfortunately, watching television left a gaping hole in Stick's soul. It was obvious that TV was not the answer he was looking for.

"I need a hobby," Stick said to himself.

Being a man of action, Stick went and got himself just what he thought he needed. "No more poker!" he said.

Stick threw himself into his new hobby. His new focus? Nothing short of WORLD DOMINATION!


"I'll take Asia for plus seven armies, bitches!" became Stick's new motto. And it was good.

It didn't take long for Stick to come to a realization, though: True WORLD DOMINATION takes money.

Stick didn't have much money.


Stick was sad.

Then he started to think. "How can I get money?" he pondered.

The obvious answer? Stick knew it was poker. He knew that the SCOOP poker tournament series was coming to PokerStars in May with over $45 million in guaranteed prize money.

All it would take to fund his plans was one little win. Stick knew it was time to get back into the game.

So he did.


(Ed note: Oh the things we'll do for a shot at free SCOOP entry tickets.)

Still on hiatus from online play. I'm hoping that if I stay away for a while the Full Tilt RNG will forget about its vendetta.

Played in a home game yesterday. 7 player tournament, winner take all.

I made a few hands early and was in very good position as chip leader with 4 left.

Ran a rivered flush into a rivered full house.

Ran a flopped set into the same opponent's rivered flush.

Oops.

Out in 4th. Good times regardless.

I'm not sure which I like better. Both from @TheChristinaKim:

Dear Bermuda Grass, I'm sorry, its just not working out. Its not me-its you. The grass IS greener on the other side. Of the country. Goodbye

Dear Tight Bent Fairways, Long Sticky, Thick Bent Rough, and Fast, Carpetesque Poa Anna Greens- I've missed you. That is all. Love, CK

Spring fever ... catch it.

It's another beautiful day here at Res Ipsa Golf. The sun is shining, it's supposed to get up into the upper 50s (that's like 15 or so for you Canadians eh) this afternoon ... and of course I'm locked down in my office. It's also 100% standard that it's supposed to be beautiful through Friday and then the weekend forecast just keeps getting worse. Rain. Snow. Cold. Blech.

The start of the season might have to wait another week. Sigh.

The big news of the day is - of course - Tiger Woods coming back at the Masters. Other than the whole 'let's play a major without any warmup tournaments' thing this is the most obvious time to come back possible.

Think about it. The people that run the Masters will have the place on lockdown. The crowds are big but not overwhelming. They have the Pinkerton guys on security. They're not shy about ejecting people that violate their ideas of decorum. Augusta National is like a bubble and it's the obvious place for the comeback to begin. At any other tournament Tiger's handlers would have to make all sorts of plans for security.

I'm not going to hazard a guess as to how Tiger will do. He's enough of a freak - in the golf sense pervs - to be fully capable of winning. He's also human which means he could well shoot 78-78 and miss the cut. You could say we have data points from the past - when he took time off for his father's death or when he came back from injury last year - but I don't know that anybody in professional golf has ever experienced anything remotely CLOSE to what Tiger has and will continue to experience until things are back to business as usual.

I do know this - I am definitely bummed out that I didn't get any practice round tickets in the lottery this year.


Otherwise, I'm now caught up on the new season of the Haney Project. I thought episode 3 was pretty weak - there wasn't anything holding it together, no theme or anything. The one section that could have been a bigger part was the whole Ray's wife learning the game in secret. I hope there's more of that in coming episodes.

Incidentally, Ray and his wife come across like they don't like each other all that much. I very much enjoyed the hint of evil when she was talking about how much she was looking forward to spending a day at the course with him.

Also: Hank is still not Mr. Personality. That's not going to change. He makes a decent straight man I guess but you really need someone with truckloads of personality to play off him. Barkley had that, Romano comes up short - in my opinion and so far.

First draft of the new top of the page design. I think it needs some work - time to break out the crayons MS Paint.


Also in the works: Getting one of those golf gadget infomercial people on board as a site sponsor.

It finally warmed up enough - barely - to get out and hit some range balls this past weekend. Actually it was plenty warm, but there was some serious wind on Saturday that had a cold bite to it. Fortunately the range I went to had a shed which blocked the wind and it wasn't bad at all. The trade off, though, was that I had to hit off a mat tee.

As mat tees go, though, this sucker was a cadillac. No jarring, no concrete feel, nothing like that. And the results were magnificent. Apparently if I take 4 months off, have a 20 mph left-to-right wind and hit off a mat tee I'm good.

A couple of the local courses were open as well and I thought about playing on Sunday. Decided that I was too busy. I'm hoping that my home course will open this weekend and if so I'll try and get out there.


Other than that, I caught up on the first two episodes of "The Haney Project - Ray Romano". I watched some of the first season with Charles Barkley, so I had an idea of what to expect, but man - Hank Haney isn't exactly Mr. Personality.

If I get bored one of these days I'm going to go back and watch the entire Barkley season - the golf channel website has the episodes available online.

I think it's about time to turn this into a golf blog.

Seriously. Any confidence that I had that I knew the first thing about poker has been completely demolished.

I shook off another beating yesterday, handling it well. I wasn't even fazed by the ESP of the guy who called me down on a board of A23Q with two clubs. Of course he knew that a red 4 was going to come on the river to make his pocket 5s gold against my AQ. No worries.

Things weren't so positive today as I received another string of full-wind-up kicks in the junk. TILT. I especially enjoyed losing with Jc Tc on a 7h 8c 9c Qd board. Got flop action so I grossly overbet the pot on the turn. Can I just pick it up there? Fuck no. Standard low club on the river makes the naked ace high flush draw good. Way to call all in with that sir.

This just isn't any fun.

Other than the occasional pleasure of crushing shortstacker dreams or of outplaying some douche canoe who thinks 4-betting with Q8o in a battle of the blinds is a good idea, there has been precious little enjoyment involved lately.

I'm very very close to withdrawing what I have and just not playing on Tilt again until fall - although I would think about doing something with my accumulated iron medals. Maybe play a couple token tournaments or something.

Count me as really, really, really glad that spring is just about here so that I have something else to do. I'm as tired of the bad beat stories as you are.

I'm moving ever closer to just cashing out. Of course by the time I pull the trigger there won't be anything left, but whatever.

Minimal play tonight. Donked off a buyin at the 25 game playing stupid.

Also tried a few super turbo sit 'n gos for variety. FAIL.

Entry 1: 45 player. 6 places pay. I nearly triple up first orbit, don't see another hand worth a single chip, die in 8th place when A8 < KT.

Entry 2: 9 player. 3 places pay. Go out 8th when KQ < KTs.

Entry 3: 9 player. 3 places pay. Out in 4th. Couldn't outlast the 2 stacks that were equivalent to mine. A3s < AK < AQ or something like that.

Although I thought the push-or-fold game might suit my weak/tight style, I'm probably too tight to be +EV at these stupid games.

Speaking in gross metaphor, this has a feeling much like seeing the legendary "Mission Accomplished" banner from when Bush II declared victory in Iraq.

I'm declaring victory. Of sorts.

One final poker overdose this evening. I crammed in a couple hours of play and got to my point goal. I ordered my electronic gizmo, draining my point balance, and I'm done. No more goals.

Of course I dumped a bunch more cash in the process. Sickening.

I'm not sure which was most enjoyable:

Choice 1: I flop a set with 88 on a Q86 board and checkraise a tard all in. Tard tanks and finally calls with Q9. Turn 6. River Q.

Choice 2: I flop a straight with J8 on a QT9 board. I bet, get raised, three bet and call a four bet shove ... from Q9. Turn Q ends the drama, river 9 just in case the message wasn't clear.

Choice 3: Aww fukkit. KK goes down to 44 for a stack plus. A big stack.

Choice 4: Ditto. KK four flushed by some inferior hand.

Of all those, choices 4 and 3 happened first. I handled them well.

Then choice 1 happened and I got pissed. TILT. Choice 2 was just the last straw.

I'm undecided what to do now. I simply can't take a whole lot more of this. After tonight's session I am now down from where I 'started' in November. I tripled my roll and have now given all that back plus a few cheeseburgers. I know I'm not good - and I don't doubt that the constant cascade of beats has affected my mental game - but I'm sure I'm not this bad.

I may just try and cash out what little I have left. Honestly, I think that's probably for the best, but I'm undecided. I think I'll sleep on it.

It felt weird to not play last night. I assume that's a solid indicator of addiction.

As it turned out, I certainly could have played. I chose to putter around instead, doing some extra and unnecessary preparation for a trial today.

Thankfully I have tonight to relax and unwind. I just got in my session for the evening, which was entirely unremarkable. I neither received nor dished out any bad beats - the only time I got a stack in the middle I had a set of nines and got a call from unimproved pocket tens. Ended up a couple value combos and a happy meal. Or thereabouts.

Really I think that playing two or three tables of Rush for a half hour (during Rush Happy Hour) is all sorts of win. I can squeeze in about the right number of points to maintain some kind of status and I get 'em doubled as I inch closer to my goal. It just feels like the right amount of poker.

Of course since I'm me, I'll change my mind on that tomorrow.

Oh well.


Not much going on otherwise. I plan to kill some time window shopping the Dell site this evening - they're running a ten days of deals promotion, but what I think is pretty slick is the "add a netbook for $149" promo. Sure it's their older model, has a wimpy battery and all around mediocre specs, but for a functional 2.5 pound email and surfing machine that would be so easy to take on the road - at that price - it's a pretty neat deal -- especially when, I imagine, you're also getting yourself a new desktop or laptop or even another netbook.

I've been shopping the local Best Buy and Staples some just to increase my knowledge of what's out there, so I'll be interested to see how Dell compares pricewise in general.

Anyway, like I said, just window shopping. I don't know when I'll be in a position to pull the trigger on a new computer - even a netbook - but there's always hope.

I had too much time to think this morning while waiting for laundry.

I've paged through the Full Tilt Store a couple times recently. I really have no idea how they select the items on offer. Some of them - iPods for one example - are presumably there because they're a well known gadget that lots of people lust after. Other items such as all the FTP logo'd apparel and accessories are obvious promo items. Some of the other items you almost figure they got a big discount on a skid of something.

It didn't really hit me until today, but one super logical item is not found in the FTP store: A netbook. Huh.

You would think that would be a slam dunk. It could be priced reasonably, between 60-80k points, which would make it attainable for a lot of folks. Shipping would be reasonable. You would think it would also encourage more play - especially with Rush Poker* making it easier to rack up the hands on a small screen. For myself, it would be a nice item to have and I would snap-order if something decent - like an HP, Toshiba, Dell, ASUS/Gateway, Sony or whatever - were available.

Like I said, too much time on my hands.

Okay, this is just weird.

I know I was having some issues with the FTP client last night/this morning. For one thing, it stopped updating the tournament lobby of the Mammoth Rebuy. It didn't matter because I wasn't paying attention - I was Rushing.

When I finished, I checked my balance, both on the widget and by opening the cashier. I was very depressed by the number shown. I fiddled with it, thinking it was wrong. Nope. I went to bed trying to remember if the balance made me down two buyins or six.

I just logged on and my balance is completely different. And by different I mean it's where I thought it would be. Actually, up a couple extra value meals on the day yesterday. I also have a few more Full Tilt points.

I like this. I like this a lot more than being down six buyins.

But I'm really confused. Just what the hell was going on with the software last night?

I had a good time playing Kat's Mammoth Weekend donkament last night. I folded my way to a third place finish and some cash. Congratulations to Pokerwolf and OhCaptain on chopping it up. And a cordial FFFFUUUUU to Wolf for taking me out - I openshoved ATo on the button, he re-raised to get heads up with the hammer and made a fricking HAMMERBOAT (2 on flop, 7 on turn, 7 on river).

Sigh.

That's how I run.

At least I didn't rebuy much at all, so I think I made a decent profit (for a dolla donkament). Nice to see a lot of familiar faces. Chat didn't happen much as I was busy grinding through rush hands.


Speaking of Rush, yesterday's session has me thoroughly confused.

I know I dumped a buyin in the fifty game with what has been so VERY standard lately - I get QQ, the flop is AQ4, 4 on the turn (which is checked through) and I forget what the river was. I think it filled a flush draw. I bet out, have to call a shove and of course - OF FUCKING COURSE - I run into AA. I don't think he re-raised me preflop and the turn check was beautiful cover (I was looking to jam there anyway tbh).

That's the sort of thing that has been happening a lot. It's never AK or the flush, it's always the stone cold nuts or at least one hand closer to the nuts than what I have. And it's frustrating as hell.

At least I handled it much better last night than I have been.

When skimming through the hand histories to try and post the exact hand, I couldn't find it. I didn't spend a ton of time looking, but I'm still kind of irked that it may not be there. I might try importing the hands later to see if I can find it.

After a while I just played some 25, and I ended up basically up two buyins at that game. Combined with my donkament "score" I figured I should be pretty darn close to break even for the evening.

Here's the confusing part: I ended up down almost two buyins. (Initially I thought it was six, but I realized I was misremembering the start balance). I know I bleed off some with auto-rebuys activated, but I can't remember doing much damage at all. No other stackings, not so much chasing, no super retarded beats that I can recall.

Whatever. I'm sure it's right and I just spewed off more than I recall. Still a bummer to see the ending number in black and white though.

I'm almost within 1000 points of my goal. It's going to take longer than I would like - if I had last week's bankroll I could knock it out in one session - since I'm down about 65% in the last seven days or so. You can find me and the ghost of my roll donking it up at the nanolimit rush games until then. Once that's done I may just quit.

There have been a few blog posts recently about states that are thinking about getting into the online poker business. I haven't been paying too much attention - Michigan legislators have their heads way too far up their asses to consider allowing poker in our state - but was hit by a thought today:

Let's say you're an online poker pro from the midwest. California (for example) sets up an intra-state poker room. If the games proved popular and soft, wouldn't you want to get on the site?

I have no idea how they plan to regulate this - will you need to show an instate driver's license to open an account? Will they check your IP when you log on?

Does anyone really think that either of those restrictions will deter a determined - or even semi-determined - online pro?

Residency restrictions aren't all that effective in the internet age. Maybe someday our elected officials will catch on to that.


Two sessions so far this week. I moved down, dropped a table and have been hanging on with my fingernails. I actually had a hand hold yesterday (AA vs QQ tyvm) and won a cheeseburger. Back to running into monsters today and several extra value meals left the roll. Balance has not yet been restored to the force but there weren't nearly as many improbable beats.

At least it didn't feel as hopeless. I'll call that progress. If I can hold on long enough to get through these last 1500 points I can re-evaluate just what the hell I'm doing. Maybe I'll switch to trying to luckbox a donkament.

I have never hated poker more than I do right at this very instant.

There have been moments before. The three or four massive losing days I've had in the last few months are up there. But NOTHING compares to right now.

I just had my usual shit session, running into aces multiple times and having my opponents hit miracle river after miracle river. Standard. It could have ended at 9:30 as planned, with the last hand being AQ going down to KK on a 9JQAT board. That sucked, but so be it.

No. I'll play one table of the big game for a while.

I finally hit something favorable. I have Kh Jh on a board of Ah Qh 6c Ts and the preflop raiser has just lead out for the pot. I adjust the slider for a raise, click the raise button and nothing FUCKING happens. I click it again a few dozen times. Nothing.

You get like 8 seconds in Rush Poker to act.

Full Tilt freezes for the first time all night.

It unfreezes in like 15 seconds, in time for me to watch the animation of my cards being folded as I hold the current nuts.

DAMMIT.

In my rage I just missed taking out my computer by about three inches. I think I would have done both of us (the computer and myself, but probably all my readers as well) a favor if I hadn't missed.


Seriously, it isn't humanly POSSIBLE to run this bad.

If anybody cared - relax, I know you don't, nobody does - I would got through my hand histories for the evening and list out the absolutely flat RETARDED shit that happened.

I try and learn from times when I play bad and there are plenty of those.

But when I can't do anything but lose, lose and lose again regardless of how well I play - sure, go ahead and shove your naked flush draw or your overpair or your overcards or your underpair or whatever the fuck you have, you'll GET THERE - it's mindboggling.

Whatever you do, don't join me here. Hell sucks.

Friday nights were made for drinking donking.

This is a Katitude production.

After a day off I limped back. I had a two part plan: Move down and just play during rush happy hour from 9:00 to 9:30 ET. I'd call it mission partly accomplished - I did move down and played then, but my session went a bit long.

Part of the reason was frustration. I kept getting disconnected for no readily apparent reason. It happened at least a half dozen times where it was long enough that I was timed out and folded. One of those times I had just popped it with KK. Another I was mixed up in a hand with action and T9s on the button - if I saw the hand flash by when I reconnected correctly, the board was 9922.

Sigh.

I still apparently suck, as I donated some additional funds. I need a good day. A very good day.

Venturing off topic, I went shopping on Saturday. I never go shopping, for various reasons - I dislike crowds, pushy salespeople bug me and I just don't get enjoyment out of it. So when I can browse without too much hassle it's a plus.

Okay, calling it shopping might be a bit much. I just went to Best Buy and played with the toys. If I'd had my "bankroll" with me, I might have walked out with a bunch of new stuff.

Which would have been stupid. I don't *need* any of it.

Some of my random wants I can deal with. Sure I'd love to have a big TV. But then I remember that I'd have to get cable or satellite and pay for a HD package. And I just don't watch that much TV. So I don't have much trouble just oohing and aahing and then moving on.

The computer section is tougher. Again, I don't really need a new computer. The one I have works okay - as long as I'm patient and can live with the problems (like programs constantly going to "not responding" status). Much of the time it works fine.

I sure like looking at computers, though, and imagining how much better they are. I took a long look at a Gateway (ASUS) desktop model with a Core i3, 6MB, 1 TB HD, and most impressively 10 USB ports (lulz) for $549. Or should I get a laptop - wow some of those are incredible and the prices aren't much higher - instead? Or maybe a netbook would get more regular use? Should I get a monitor bigger than the 19" that poker bought me back in '04/'05?

Thanks - For the eighth time, I'm just looking. I'll let you know if I need help.

If you based it solely on the number of salespeople working at Best Buy you'd swear the recession is over and boom times are back. I think they outnumbered the customers and it wasn't like it was dead either.

I'm undecided as to what I want. Enough with the computers.

Let's see, what else can we play with?

Best Buy makes it challenging to play with the iPods, not that that is surprising. I fiddled around with the Touch a little bit - yeah, I don't forsee myself doing much typing on one if I got it, fat fingers FTL. I was also somewhat limited because the display was set on Chinese language mode and I couldn't figure out how to change it back to English. Does that make me an iIdiot?

No, thanks, don't need assistance. Just browsing.

I continue to waffle between a Touch and a Nano. Really, either would be fine. I don't need an iPod. Rarely travel. Don't commute. It's just a want - and one I happen to be able to fill with FT points.

On to the headphones section. I'm not a headphones guru and have no idea what the experts think, but I freaking love the Bose Quiet Comfort 15 model they have on display. I've tried them in store a couple times now and can't believe how comfortable they are on my giant cranium. And they seem to do a pretty good job of canceling out background noise too. If I ever went anywhere I would definitely want a pair of these. Since I don't - and since they're $300 - I'll just have to limit myself to in-store use.

Sigh.

Have I run up an imaginary tab of over two grand yet? I think so!

Last stop, appliances. With my imaginary lotto win I'm going to select the gizmo that I would get the most use out of - okay, other than a computer since I'm addicted to the internet - which is ... a new dishwasher!

{insert sound of record being slowed to a halt}

Yeah, not much of a dream there.

Never mind. Definitely a want, though, since the one I have is made by a company (RCA) that I never knew *made* dishwashers.

If I go on some kind of heater and get back up to where I was last week I think I'll attempt to cash out a chunk and do my part to stimulate the economy. Unfortunately it's too bad for our country's finest makers of dishwashers (do they even make them here anymore?) that I suck at poker.

That was about all the fun I could stand and as I made my way out the door without buying anything - I didn't even think to bring the little gift card I have with me - I found myself thinking that maybe shopping, at least when it's shopping for "toys", isn't so bad after all.