I’m melting. And so are you, probably, if you live anywhere east of the Rockies and don’t, uh, have air conditioning. Granted it’s only going to be in the low 90s here, not the 100-plus degrees it’ll be out west. Throw in the 1,000% relative humidity though and it’s still going to be a long couple of days.

Not a whole lot going on the poker front, but a couple of little things. I played in a golf tournament on Saturday. I know that’s not poker. Shut up. It was a memorial event remembering one of the members – a good guy who passed away last winter unexpectedly. He was about my age. The tournament had a golf portion and a poker portion. The golf portion went well – as a fundraiser they sold mulligans (do-overs, for the non-golfer). You could buy up to five. I figure four of the five saved me a shot and despite a double bogey on the last hole, I still shot 72.

Good times.

The poker portion was a little silly. It was NLHE, T200 stacks, no blinds, just antes which started at $1. Whoever had the most chips left at the end was declared the winner. I chipped up playing seriously and then decided that it was too ridiculous. Switch on donkey mode. Wheee!

Didn’t win. That’s okay.

Afterward, some unofficial games got going, and a total of six players were successfully convinced to play … Omaha! No limit Omaha (pot limit games and drinking do not mix), to be exact. Tournament style. Did I mention it was Omaha? Nobody plays Omaha.

Good times.

Play was surprisingly somewhat tight. I didn’t really keep track, but I think it took about an hour and a half to get it down to heads up, where we chopped (I took 2nd).

Sunday morning we had some vicious thunderstorms roll through just before noon. I have a bunch of large trees surrounding my house, and they tend to drop a lot of branches. I’m standing in my carport, watching the storm blow in after mowing the lawn. I'm thinking about retrieving the car from the street in case it hails when the wind brings down a huge limb right in front of me.

Good timing.

No damage done, but the rain meant an afternoon playing online instead of at the golf course. (Say it with me... awwww). I putzed around at a couple of PLO cash games and ended up about even. I also hit a $5 PLO tournament and made a whopping $4.25 profit for my three and a half hour investment (finished 13th) – the finish was a decided letdown. I was 3rd in chips after the rebuy period – I didn’t have to rebuy, and this is Titan so you know the quality of play. I had my stack up to almost 19,000 chips at 300/600 blinds, and then I got owned.

I’m in a hand with the big stack (T30,000 or so). I’ve just been moved to his table and have no read. I have AAxx double suited. I flop top set and get called down. The river puts a three flush on the board, and the big stack gets aggressive. I’ve already got almost a third of my stack in the pot, but I decide I can’t risk the rest of it. I muck and he flashes two pair, nothing of the flush suit. Two freaking pair.

Bad times.

It didn’t take long to determine that Mr. Big Stack was in fact just some euro-Omatard who presumably got lucky a few times. He loved to min-bet. I did get a few chips back making a donkey call, just because it was him. Sheesh.

I went completely and utterly card dead and folded pretty much every hand for an hour as the blinds started escalating. I couldn’t get anything even remotely worth playing. KJ63 three suited? Q832 rainbow? Ugh. I finally pushed with AKQ4 single suited and got called by an even junkier hand – also a suited ace, but with weaker, unconnected supporting cards. The board completely misses both of us, but my ace king high falls when he pairs some non-face card on the river. So rigged.

Bad timing.

And now it’s lunch.

Time.

I’d like to be mad at the world, seeing as how the city and the guy across the street both decided that 7:15 a.m. was the right time to fire up the heavy equipment … but since I was awake and doing stuff anyway, it didn’t really matter.

*

No poker this week so far. Missed a home game on Tuesday due to a late start and later finish in golf league (sorry, guys). Missed the DADI last night due to (ugh) house cleaning. I need to get back at it, possibly this weekend. Need to clear some bonus bucks.

*

From the “No, thanks, I really don’t want the album” file:

Five random old school songs I’ve heard recently that I’d be buying on iTunes right now if someone handed me a gift card:

1. Lakeside, “Fantastic Voyage”
2. Paul McCartney, “Live and Let Die”
3. Paul Hardcastle, “Nineteen”
4. Depeche Mode, “Everything Counts”
5. Fleetwood Mac, “Secondhand News”

I blame radio. Stupid radio.

And I blame many years of defective education for the overly long run on sentences.

*

Getting old just doesn’t get any easier. An announcement in the local paper last night notified area seniors of a special event: A Shredded Wheat breakfast! July 31 is the 113th anniversary of the invention of the blandest breakfast food this side of grits, so c’mon out and celebrate.

Yes, reservations are required.

*

If you’re not following the bloggers covering the WSOP, you’re missing out. Lots of great stuff appearing on the official Pokerstars blog, pokerblog.com, Tao of Poker, Ccexplore, Bluff Magazine and I’m sure I’m missing a few. We’re talking a veritable horde of talented writers.

*

I’m not quite finished with it, but if you’re looking for something to read let me put a plug in for Robert Kaplan’s Imperial Grunts: The American Military on the Ground. Kaplan spent much of 2002-2004 embedded with U.S. soldiers stationed all over the world, usually on the front lines of the “War Against Terrorism”. His book is an examination of policies – from those dictated by Washington on down to those created by individual soldiers – that apply to the unconventional wars being fought around the world, as seen through the eyes of the men and women doing the grunt work.

It’s an interesting read – timely, critical, well written and full of exotic places that most of us will never see. I’m no expert on the military and can’t say that it’s a subject I read much about (the occasional Tom Clancy novel excepted) or have interest in, but I’ve found the book hard to put down.

There you have it, a crummy review of a pretty darned good read.

*

Well, I’ve wasted enough time, yours and mine. It’s time to go make the donuts. get to work.

Commence spew mode....

Lazy employees are bad enough. Those that steal from you deserve a special circle of hell.

I took most of yesterday off and, in combination with today, have once again yard worked myself into a state of exhaustion. Makes the whole early to bed, early to rise thing a lot easier.

I did squeeze in nine holes this afternoon. Played lousy, don't ask. While playing #14, a B2 Stealth Bomber flew over at low altitude. You'll never confuse the B2 for any other plane:



Presumably this was part of the Air Show going on in the next town up the lake.

In other news, thank goodness for the mouth breathers that play at Titan Poker. I picked up two buyins on Thursday night on one hand ... I have AcKcTx9x and see a flop. Flop is QJ8 with two clubs.

It does not get any better than that.

Actually, it does.

Having a player bet hard into you is better. Pushing and getting TWO callers is better. Hitting a club on the turn and having the river blank is WAY better.

My house goes on the market this week. I'll miss it, but I'll live. I'm a little concerned about the dreadful local real estate market, but we'll see how it goes.

And with that, I'm off to play Omatard for a bit before I crash.

to prove that I'm an idiot.

I haven't received this letter yet, but I know it's coming:

Dear Eurobet Customer,

Please be advised that in the light of recent actions by US regulators, Eurobet has regretfully taken the decision to cease taking any business through its websites from U.S. residents with immediate effect. U.S. residents will no longer be able to transact with our websites and all accounts held by U.S. residents have now been closed.

We are contacting you because we believe that, based on the personal details you have provided us, you are a US resident and therefore affected by this decision.

Where we already have your payment details we will refund any outstanding balance using that method within 7 days from today. If we do not have the necessary details please contact us on +44 1483 773224 or via email at [email protected] to confirm how you wish any existing balances on your account should be repaid including the appropriate financial details.

We commit to processing such refund with 7 days of receiving your payment instructions.

On behalf of the entire Eurobet team we apologise for the inconvenience caused and thank you for your previous custom.


Kind regards,

Emma Jordan
Head of Services
Eurobet.com


A couple of bloggers have received and posted it.

Anyway, I read the letter all the way through, and I'm so ashamed to admit it but the first two thoughts I had were:

1. "Emma Jordan? Wasn't she one of the Spice Girls?"

2. "No, wait, I think she was an official in the Clinton administration."

I need professional help.

I'm an admitted sucker for free stuff. Especially free money.

I got an email yesterday from Titan Poker, saying they'd added a bonus to my account. I just had to log in to claim it.

So I did.

They gave me five bucks. As Marv Albert would say ... YES!

Fortunately, that wasn't it. The email also promised both an additional upfront bonus and a reload bonus if I deposited at least fifty bucks. Like I said, I'm a sucker. I scratched together the necessary bucks, and found myself in possession of another fifteen bucks up front as well as a 100% bonus to work off.

What to play, what to play, what ever shall I play?

I know, how about some above-the-bankroll PLO? YES!

People that play at Titan (including me) are idiots. Here's further proof (WARNING: Hand History). I see a cheap flop on the button with a junky hand. Kh Th Jx 6x. Flop is Qh Jh 6x. With bottom two pair and an open ended straight flush draw, I have approximately 900,000 outs. I check in hopes of being last to act. There's a pot sized bet of $4 and a call before it gets back to me. The bettor min-raised preflop, which in this game means AAxx. I have no idea what the caller has, and I want to see if I can take it down right now. I pop it to $16. Mr. I-have-aces does the smart thing and drops. Other guy calls. Uh, oh. Turn is a black 3. I'll take a free card, thanks. River is another 3, not of hearts.

Now, I figure I'm screwed. The villain called a $12 raise. He's got to have *something*. An overpair, such as AA, KK or (this IS Titan) QQ. With the board pairing, I lose. If he had a set, I lose. There is no way I can call a bet of any size.

He bails me out by checking, I gratefully check behind -- this is Titan, bluffing is not usually a real smart play -- to save money ... and I take the pot. Huh?

I mean ... YES!

Did I deserve to win that pot? Heck, no. I'm a donktard.

But if people want to give me money, who am I to turn it down? Thanks Titan! Thanks Titan player!

*

Now if I can just clear the bonuses I have stacked up at Full Tilt, Stars and Interpoker.... I suppose that means I might actually have to play a few hands.

Activity on this here blog has dwindled down to a drought-stricken trickle.

A lot of that is simple lack of play. I've played maybe a couple hundred hands this month and that's all. There just hasn't been any time, as my day to day life has degenerated into a routine of going to work, working on the house and hitting the golf course. It's also been hotter than blazes here the last few days, and since I have no air conditioning, motivation to do much of anything beyond sitting in front of the fan has been hard to come by.

And yet I persist. Despite the saunaesque climate, I managed to get in two rounds this weekend (84 & 76) and still did a ton of yard work. The trash people are going to love me this week -- I filled about ten of those annoying paper yard bags full of weeds, brush and other debris. I also managed to get dirtier than I've been since I was about six.

For fun, I've enjoyed reading many of the trip reports from the WPBT Live: Summer Edition. Sounds like everyone had a great time. I'm hoping I can get things together enough to go in December. Checkraising drunk cowboys with the hammer never gets old.

I've also been paying off and on attention to our blogger pals who are covering the WSOP. They're doing a great job under seriously adverse circumstances. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest to see Harrah's cut off what's left of (free) media access next year.

Much like the WSOP, I've been reduced to following the Tour de France via the internet. While the 'net is a wonderful thing, it's not yet a full substitute for TV. Tommorow's stage is set to be the most important one of the entire tour. Anyone who says they've got it all figured out is nuts. Also this weekend is the British Open, which in addition to being wide open is also broadcast at the perfect time (for me at least) ... in the morning. I can laze around and still have all afternoon to do useless productive crap.

Busy, busy, busy. What ever am I going to do when football season gets here ?!

I'm tardy in posting this -- the For Peyton auction is going on right now. Visit the website and click on over to EBay for some really, really cool poker stuff. The auctions end soon (July 13), so do it NOW.

Proceeds benefit a good cause.

EDIT Thursday 7/13/06 --If you're thinking about bidding, do it NOW -- bids start closing about 11:30 a.m. ET today!

This could be my motto:

"OK, I am going to lose this hand, I don't know how yet, but I currently have the nuts, so I call."
-- Dawn Summers, I Had Outs

Dawn and Karol have been posting some great stuff lately.

Just spent a few minutes reading some of the 'in progress' blog posts from the WBPT's semi-annual assault on Las Vegas.

The jealousy meter has officially hit eleven.

Let's see, while the cool kids were rolling out of bed and making their way over to Ceasar's Palace, I had just finished my Saturday morning round of golf (a very pedestrian 80) and was starting the joyous process of cleaning out my gutters.

Fuck all y'all.

Yeah, yeah, I don't mean it. Something tells me that I better get busy, though, either grinding through a ton of bonuses or maybe hitting a tourney score or two.

I don't want to miss December.

*

On the subject of absurdity, it was a truly ridiculous week. Since I can't really explain, let me relate an example:

One afternoon, I ran through the Culver's drive through and got an order of fries and a drink. The bored-looking girl staffing the window asked the usual question, whether I wanted salt or ketchup. 'Salt, please,' I said.

She gave me fifteen packets of salt.

Fifteen.

For one lousy order of fries.

I shouldn't even get into the sight of two young African American gentlemen sporting 'do rags. In a Chevy. Which in turn featured a 'Dick DeVos for Governor' bumper sticker. Let's just say that the over/under on the number of young African American votes Dick DeVos gets is rather low.
*

I'd serve up some poker 'content', but I haven't played much lately. Too much work to do around the house.

I did fit in an impromptu home game on Friday. Six person tourney, winner take most. I, of course, was bubble boy. And I should have contributed a chapter to Russ Fox's book Why You Lose at Poker -- that chapter would have been titled "You Lose Because You Don't Defend Your Suckouts".

I'm shortstacked. We're three handed. I have KdQd. I raise weakly to draw action. I get it. The big stack put me all in. I call, he shows AdKc.

Flop is AxJdTd. I flop Broadway. I'm ahead.

Turn is the 8d. I've improved to a flush. I'm way ahead.

River is the 7d. I'm out the door, on my way home. See ya.

Stupid game.

*

At last check, I still have not suffered any adverse consequences from oversalting my fries.

I'm very sad to read about Obie's son. Truly a tragedy.

Best wishes to him and his family.

I am easily amused.

Now that you know that, if you didn't already, you will not be the least bit surprised that I got a good chuckle last night while playing at Full Tilt. I'm dinking around with a couple of PLO tables and some joke of a freeroll when boom, up pops another table.

It's another freeroll. Great, except I didn't sign up for it.

Hmmm. I'm such a fabulous freeroll player that I'm now being auto-registered for them?

Uh, not exactly. It seems that I 'won' an entry as part of a WSOP picking contest. My 'horses' (the selections were only mostly random) did well enough in Event #2 to get me in.

Truthfully, I had no idea that this freeroll existed. Apparently neither did about 375 of the other 499 participants, as it was a sitout fest. I played donktastically, finished 52nd, and for nearly two hours of effort 'won' $3.

Add that to the three or four bucks I won playing PLO, and you've got an earn rate that would be the envy of sweatshop workers everywhere.

---

Quit reading my drivel and instead go read some guys who can write and who post pretty pictures: Pauly, Otis, Jason, CC, etc.