If it's Monday, that must mean it's time for another Pokercomix update!

{please don't notice, please don't notice, please don't notice .... dammit!}

Yes, I know. It's not Monday. What can I say, I've been away.

Anyhow, this week we have new comix from BG, Heafy, Donkeypuncher and the latest from DuggleBogey. Check 'em out, and thanks for the submissions!

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Not much poker played lately, which has been good for my bankroll. I lose less money when I don't play. Although I had a nice short session on Full Tilt last night. Happiness is flopping middle set, having it capped on the flop, having your opponent raise you on the turn and check behind on the river only to show no pair, no draw, queen high.

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Then again, happiness might well be having an employee you'd dearly love to fire leave first for a different job. This hasn't happened, but I can hope.

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It's really annoying trying to type a post with this many 'o's when the letter o on the laptop keyboard is sticking.

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All you participants in the Drunk Olympics and other lovers of cheese might want to take notice of this week's Menards flyer -- check out this deal:



That's right, almost FIVE pounds of cheesy goodness for six bucks. You can't beat that with a stick.

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Speaking of food and sticks, I'm not sure which amuses me more, know-it-all journalists who try and fact-check their stories, or those who try and fail.

Stay with me.

I had the unusual circumstance of time to read the Detroit Free Press yesterday. For thse who don't know, I live outside of Grand Rapids, which, being on the other side of Lansing, may as well be Siberia for all the Detroit papers care.

The front page of the "Local" section featured an column on politics -- in this case a review, of sorts, of Governor Jennifer Granholm's "State of the State" address.

Random aside: The state of the state is "crap". Anyone with a pulse knows that.

Anyhow, the columnist's take on the speech was ... "[m]y evening was occupied by a single, intriguing question: What is a Pronto Pup?". This a question only the media would be asking, since it refers to a line the governor actually dropped from her speech, up against a commercial break and short on time.

It will not surprise you to learn that the author had never even heard of the Pronto Pup. Not to be deterred, he started digging, since "Pronto Pups apparently are, in the Governor's estimation, emblematic of the Michigan 'middle-class way of life' she is pledged to protect". Yeah, I can see how the ultimately un-uttered line about "vacationing on Lake Michigan, eating a Pronto Pup hot dog on the beach with sand in between your toes" could make this tasty treat seem emblematic.

How does an important journalist check his facts?

"An impromptu survey of those at the Capitol for the speech showed that I was not alone. By my estimation, maybe one in 10 Michiganders have encountered the Pronto Pup, which is apparently well-known in Grand Haven because of a stand on the public beach there. It is most often described as a corn dog."

Perhaps among journalists that number is fewer than 1 in 10. The home of the world famous Pronto Pup is a stand located not really close to the public beach, as in a brisk fifteen minute walk away, downtown.

Come on over some day, Dawson Bell, and I'll personally buy you a deep-fried battered hot dog on a stick. It'll have be after May 1, though, since the only time during the winter you can get one is the third weekend in January -- when the Pronto Pup people raised more than $3,000 for the local high school choir.

P.S.: The Pronto Pup is not only not just a corn dog, it is also well-known in Holland, Zeeland and at least half of Muskegon County. Just so you know.

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Now I'm hungry, so post over. Welcome back J. Speaker, don't quit Mourn, get busy Easycure ... other thoughts to come as they randomly pop into my head.

... but I'd sure like enjoy it if I could stop losing with KK. Especially on the weekends. To people with an ace overcard and a lousy kicker.

Anyhow, I just popped up Full Tilt to see if I could recoup some of today's losses, and what do you know:



For the record, I was up against QQ in the cash game, jack high flop, he slowed way down after I turned a K, and miracle of miracles, it held up.

Too bad I was up against AA in the SnG, and I'm limited to one win per day with KK. That was $4.40 down the tubes in level 1.

Devil's hand.

What a drag. I figured that I would apply my patented highly sophisticated betting strategy (i.e. I spent 30 seconds reading the race card at Aqueduct and picked out a couple names I liked) today in hopes of continuing a relative hot streak.

I found two names. No TooDrunkToCall today.

First up, Butterface in the 2nd. I got home from the grocery store two minutes too late. Oops. Never mind.

Next pick, Ghetto Smurf in the 5th. Oops. Scratched.

I'm almost afraid to open up Party Poker.

Edit: Butterface came in 2nd

Some assorted stuff:

* Several new comics posted to Pokercomix -- this week we have three new submissions from the DonkeyPuncher, the latest from DuggleBogey, and a terrific debut from Heafy over at Poker On Film. Check 'em out.

I've also reworked the layout, so that it hopefully looks better on smaller screens (plus there's less side to side scrolling required to view the larger comics, which is probably a good thing). I'm always open to suggestions on how to make it look better -- one project coming soon will be a new set of link buttons, since the ones I stuck in there just aren't good enough.

Lots of work to be done, but it's coming along...

* I finally assembled enough funds to hit the Party reload yesterday, and cleared it with about three hours of 7-tabling. Two tables of 2/4 bad beat jackpot and five of $25NL. I can't believe that I pretty much forgot just how awful Party players are. I saw people calling preflop pushes with JJ or worse. All sorts of junk.

I even managed to clear $10 of bonus at Full Tilt tonight. How about that. Now, if I can just manage to avoid the devil's hand (KK) in MTTs, life will be good. Oh, that's right, I bombed out with it again tonight, losing to both AQs and 73o. Rrrrrr.

* If I get around to it, I have some other thoughts to post here, but I think they'll have to wait for another day.

New posting at Pokercomix -- DuggleBogey has submitted one of his recent poker comics. Check it out, and visit Go Be Rude for his archives.

Thanks, DB, and thanks also to Bobby Bracelet and DonkeyPuncher for their subimissions this week.

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You want proof that the Boy Genius really is a genius?

For one, you could go check out his horse racing picks. I have four words for you: TOO DRUNK TO CALL.

And then there's poker, a little home game on Saturday night. Two mini-tourneys, 5 person and 4 person. The only person to walk away up? Why the Boy Genius, of course. Don't mess with a guy on a heater.

I was extremely happy to go home even.

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The main reason I was so happy to have a non-winning session: I didn't get killed by KK for once. Had it, pushed, was called by AKs and actually won.

I spent a couple hours playing online earlier in the day, had KK four times, and all four times an ace hit the flop. Four monster starting hands, zero wins. At least I was able to let them go pretty easily with one exception, where I had odds on a monotone flop to try and hit my nut flush draw. Whiffed of course. Stupid poker.

Raising to drive anyone out is apparently futile -- one of the times, I had 'em UTG, raised, and had five callers. I quickly dropped on an A8A8x board, and the SB and a cold caller of two bets split the pot with A7o and A5o.

Before you ask, no, this was not at the penny tables. This was fricking 2/4.

Could it be that I'm actually playing online roulette and don't know it?

Maybe I can't destroy workplace productivity, but I can encourage the wasting of a little time...

New comic up at Pokercomix.com.

Good luck to all the bloggers playing live this weekend!

Lots of stuff going on, but little worth posting about.

FYI, in case you haven't logged on to Party Poker lately, personalized January reload bonus offers have been issued. They seem to pop up when you log in, at least if you got one. Offers expire January 26 and require 10x raked hands. Percentages seem to vary from 15% to 25% and max amounts from $75 to $100.

For me, it's going to be a real pain -- if not impossible -- to try and cobble together enough funds to maximize this bonus. I have money tied up in Crypto sites (still waiting on a couple PINs) and at Pacific, which from what I hear doesn't have the world's fastest cashout speed (not to mention the fact that I'm only a little over 1/3 done clearing their bonus). I'll obviously commit whatever funds I can free up to the cause, even if it's less than the maximum - Party bonuses are relatively easy to clear and the players generally mronoic. Just another example of why playing on a short, illiquid bankroll very much sucks.

I haven't played all that much this week, just a couple hundred hands a day. Mostly negative sessions, including retarded bustouts in two MTTs approaching the bubble. Overall, I'm down about 15% over the last ten days, mostly the result of one over-long and awful 6-max session. I really need to not suck so much.

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The Boss Media (or whatever they're called now) network has added limit five card draw, 7 to Ace, to their roster. The game takes all the 2s, 3s, 4s and 5s out of play (you play shorthanded) and it's otherwise more or less basic 5 card single draw. There's something weird about aces, too, like they can be low. I played a bunch of this earlier in the week to finish clearing a bonus and actually had some success at the micro-limits. Fun game. If you play on a Boss site, check it out. If you don't, it's not THAT exciting - Boss software is pretty horrible.

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I have to admit, I was kind of excited to see that Pokercomix has been indexed by Google. It doesn't really show up in any relevant search that I've tried so far, but at least now when when you search on 'pokercomix', the result is more than just one link which happens to look like a Dutch porno site.

I will have to do some research as to what I'd need to do to get the site to show up in relevant searches, but I'm sure that at least (a) adding some META tags, and (b) begging some people to link it up will be involved. I prepare to grovel.

Humility is good for the soul. If Ghandi or someone didn't already say that, I'm claiming it.

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It's been an interesting week on the creative front. I actually came up with what I thought is a potential million dollar e-commerce idea this morning. Not poker related. We'll see if it goes anywhere -- just thinking it through, it's going to take some time, infrastructure and money in addition to website and programming chops that I just don't have.

I even came up with a couple new comic ideas, so that'll keep me busy this weekend.

Now, if only I could stop having this serialized dream involving a fictional client, with a case in an area I really don't practice in, in a court (up near the Indian casino) that I've never been to. I don't like waking up stressed out, but it's so darned realistic that I find it difficult to just blow off.

Maybe, just maybe, I need to lay off the stimulants.

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Time crawls on, and right here is a good spot to end this post. Out.

New comics have been posted to Pokercomix.com ...

We have a brand new submission from DonkeyPuncher

and

a work by the multitalented Bobby Bracelet.

Also added a couple more from the archives...

Enjoy!

I think I've previously admitted that the first poker book I ever read was the execrable "Play Poker Like The Pros" by Phil Hellmuth, Jr.

Among the more memorable parts of the book was Phil's recommendation that beginners only play his "Top 10" hands, AA-77, AK and AQ.

For kicks, I decided to pull up Pokertracker and a spreadsheet, to see what would have happened if I'd only played Phil's top 10. I used about 15,000 hands of 2/4 for data.

Results, all hands: Plus 0.44 BB/100 (lousy, but positive)
Playing only Phil's "Top 10": Minus 2.97 BB/100

Conclusion: Bad advice plus my lousy poker skillz would have equalled disaster in '05. Good thing I'm bullheaded like that.

Editor's note: It occurs to me that I never posted a trip report from the December WPBT visit to Las Vegas. Stupid bird flu. Anyway, here's a snippet.

5:30 a.m. and it's time to gamble. I'm downtown, I'm cheap, and that means it's time to visit the glittering citadel that is the El Cortez.

You won't find the beautiful people at the El Co - if you do, they're undoubtedly lost and you may find yourself the recipient of a tip if you give them directions back to the Golden Nugget. You also won't find a lot of life's winners, blowing off steam and a few bucks. Instead, you find the poor, the thrifty and the weird.

It's a thing of beauty.

I buy in and sit at a $3 table. Single deck, 3 to 2 payout on blackjack, no attitude. Suck on all of that, you strip mega-corporations. This is what I want to play, even if I am playing $5 to $10 per hand, maybe $20 if I'm pressing. Cocktail service is fast, and I put away Captain and Cokes just as quick as they appear, to the financial benefit of the young lady bringing them. She’s not a ten, or even a six for that matter, but she’s fast and smiles occasionally. Beautiful. She earns numerous dollar to two dollar tips for her trouble.

A couple hours into my session, I’m starting to notice a trend (disclaimer – this is not a racial comment, just an odd coincidence) – I can’t seem to win anything unless I have an Asian dealer. I go down, build back up with Ken from China, Manny the Latino puts me almost down to the felt again, I survive and rebound when I get Qiang, and the final knockout punch is ultimately to be applied by one of an endless series of Ethiopian stack assassins.

At least it’s a good time, and I’m hanging around stretching my gambling dollar. I end up playing with three middle-aged women from Michigan, and together we’re crushing the royal match side bet. I may be getting dealt 12, 13 or 14 every hand, but at least it’s sooted! Better call the floor!

Yeah, yeah, negative expected value. Sucker bet. Whatever. When it’s the only thing you have going, you play it. I probably break even on that at least. Which is more than you can say for the blackjack. I bust mid-morning, and that’s enough. Time for a snack.

Snack time means more coffee shop food. I don’t feel like leaving the comfy surrounds of the El Co, so it’s off to Careful Kitty’s Café. I pull up a seat at the counter and get a glass of water from the waitress, who could pass for a cast member of the 70s TV show “Alice” and who immediately doubles her tip by calling me “hon”. For some reason, that amuses the heck out of me. I get a hot pastrami sandwich and fries, both of which are fine, although I find myself wishing I’d gotten the hot turkey instead. Maybe tryptophan would have kept me away from the tables.

Since it’s almost impossible to find a newspaper in Vegas, I have plenty of time to think and people watch while I wait for my food. There’s an actual decent looking female member of the species sitting a couple rows over, having breakfast or at least coffee with a woman whom I first thought could be Howard Stern. They left far too soon, but were quickly surpassed for entertainment value by a guy at the next table. This gentleman had the shakes, and he needed only one thing. Tea, with ice. One iced tea. Followed by another. And another. In the first fifteen minutes I sat there, he drank nine iced teas with lemon and Equal. I don’t think my stomach could take that much Equal. Ow.

Also as I’m sitting there, I’m taking stock of how the trip is going, gambling-wise, and the answer is not well. I have yet to have a winning session at anything.

Not one single win.

I should have known this would happen. You see, I came with a bit of a bad attitude. The trip and the funds to play with were provided by poker. And in the weeks leading up to the trip, my luck at that game had turned as well, and I found myself continually being outdrawn after getting my money in as a big favorite. Short version: I’d been running bad. Very bad. Very, very bad. I am an anti-luckbox.

Time to change that.

As I meditate on how to change my luck, I stare blankly at the big board on the wall. The big board starts flashing numbers.

It’s a sign.

It’s Keno time, bitches.

Perfect.

I have never played Keno, so I have no track record to fight against. I have no idea what I’m doing, but the house advantage in this game is so enormous, they apparently find no need to punish further people who don’t know the game.

I grab a booklet, a pencil, and Captain and Coke number twenty-two and get cracking. Just by sitting myself down in the surprisingly large and busy keno lounge, I figure I dropped the average age by a good fifteen years. I flip through the rules, which are simple enough, and some of the special bets they offer, when at the very back, I find the game.

This may be a common Keno thing, but one of the tickets offered has you pick 20 of the 80 numbers. The house draws the usual 20 numbers and you get paid a varying amount depending on how many numbers hit. This is the perfect game, however, because of the very first payline – if you correctly pick 0 of the 20 house numbers, you win $1,000 on your $5 ticket. 200 to 1.

The sheer force of my anti-luck will allow me to relieve the house of money via this ticket.

I feel it.

I play it. I can taste the sweet tang of being up for the trip.

Except it doesn’t work.

Don’t you know, I get through the first 14 numbers drawn without a single match. The fifteenth one hits, though, and I end up with three or four or something for the minimum $1 payout.

Dammit.

I’m still 0-for-Vegas. Time to move on.

Picture this.

A lone poker blogger sits idly before his computer. Another in a string of losing sessions completed, he thinks offhandedly, "hey, I should do something else."

An idea springs into his head. He should make a website.

So he does.

I've launched my very own crappy website: www.pokercomix.com

For the moment, it just has a few of my own doodles, but I hope to encourage (hint, hint) some other folks to contribute.

Before you click over there, it's mea culpa time. Yes, it has advertising links, affiliate codes and all that crap. I have no delusions of making any real money from any of it, but it would be nice to have the site pay for itself. A couple measly signups and that's taken care of. I'll even offer a free pimp to anyone who contributes something - to their own affiliate code, blog, whatever. I intend to pretty much leave that stuff off this here blog, but we'll see. I'm too passive-aggressive to ever really push that stuff hard, anyway.

I think all the links work (I even have a mini-CafePress store), but obviously there are a lot of things that I need to work on, content to add, etc etc.

Confession time over. Do me a favor, check it out and feel free to comment. I have no problem with criticism, so if you hate it, speak up.

As an incentive to visit, I do have a new doodle up. Thanks in advance.

Bad day yesterday.

You've had those days before. Days where your big aces catch naught but air. Where your opponent flops trips playing J3s for three bets cold preflop. Those grim times where your QQ is destroyed by someone defending his blind with 82o and passively playing it even after it boats up on the turn. You know, when the guy calling you down with bottom pair to your overpair matches up his other card on the river. All those things. And more.

Sigh.

Your stats can say that you're playing solid poker, but that does not guarantee a win. Variance is a mean-spirited [censored] and some days you just catch it in the junk, over and over again. Dammit.

I know, I know. This isn't news.

Part of the problem is I just don't always quit when I should. I went down early, fought back and was actually ahead. Playing solid poker. But things went cold, my concentration wavered, and the suckouts began. I passed on any number of opportunities to just shut it down and try again tomorrow.

I also clearly have some leaks that are going to (if I'm smart) keep me away from the 6-max tables for a while. I need to think about when, and against which opponents, I would be better off just saving bets instead of being aggressive.

It's a learning process, and not even I expect to be successful all the time. But bad days still suck.

Oh, and I played horribly in the DADI Special Omalympics, even if I did get to drop quads on Skitch. Sorry, man.

Sometimes you don't just catch the Antichrist, you SUPERSIZE that mother.

Which reminds me: Good luck Mrs. Spaceman in the WPO Ladies Event!

Reminder: Be an omatard, play the DADI Special Omalympics tonight, 9PM EST on Stars!...

When I got my mail yesterday, I looked at it and immediately thought:

"Huh. I wonder if I'm on the State Department's watch list now?"

You see, I got mail from Cyprus, of all places. That's a first. And yeah, I meant CIA or something, but the State Department came to mind.

I'm not becoming an international terrorist or anything -- it was just my Interpoker PIN. And despite all the negative stuff I've read about their cashout speeds, mine hit in less than 24 hours. Yay Interpoker.

Ahem.

So how YOU doing? I'm playing way too much internet poker. I'm already at about 10k hands this month, far more than I've played anytime lately. I cleared three more bonii over the weekend, all of them profitable to varying degrees. Also had my first experience with a Boss Media (or whatever they're called now) skin.

You ever want to think online poker is rigged, you MUST play a Boss Media site. Trust me on this one. I had two tables open, had quad jacks hit both within 15 seconds of each other. What are the odds of THAT? I do not complain (I had one of 'em), but seriously.

Oh, and I also learned that I'm a retard for playing 5-max tables just to finish the stupid bonus. Not a winning proposition, that.

Anyhow, as per usual, I have no content. So go think about playing in the DADI Special Omalympics, tomorrow night, 9PM EST on Stars. $10+$1. Visit TripJax or High on Poker for more info.

I think I have almost exactly the correct buyin in my Stars account.

Further proof that I'm an idiot... As if you needed it.

I didn't know you could get rakeback on top of the bonuses at Interpoker. Not a huge loss, but it would have been a free fifty or so. Doh! Interpoker is done, with a nice win plus the two bonuses.

I won't be making the same mistake at the other Cryptos. This will be the first time I've experimented with rakeback, but at least for these sites, rakeback would be nothing more than gravy, so it won't be a killer if it doesn't work out.

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I also started working a new project today. Details later -- it's nothing huge, but it's something to fill my spare time -- as things come together.

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Then again, I'd happily set that project aside for a new job... Too bad I don't have any discernable skills!

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I had a couple dozen more raked hands to clear Interpoker and decided to play a little PLO8. I am such a mrono. I can't be tossing away fifties like that.

Then again, it was a matter of pride to push when I flopped a boat with 72XX -- flop was 227. I get called by an Omatard with 42XX, s/he gets running 4s for the "bigger" boat. Rrrrrrr.

Bad idea. O8 is a Very Bad idea.

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Then again, limit HE is saving my bacon.

You know you're living a charmed existence when you find a really, really fishy 2/4 6-max table and run over it to the tune of +10BBs/100 for about two hours...

especially when you do not have a SINGLE pocket pair hold up...

Which isn't such a big deal, really, since you didn't receive even ONE pocket pair bigger than 88....

Yeah.

Running good is fun.

Let the reader beware, another content-less post coming right up...

Part one is, natch, all about me.

I continue to run ridiculously hot (for this donkey at least) at Interpoker. I had a bad day Tuesday (that's what I get for posting about how good things were on Monday) largely due to a couple ridiculous LHE beats, and one or two buy-in sucking awful decisions at PLO. I made it all back and then some yesterday, and had a very slightly up day today. I do think I'm getting better - I'm playing few hands, to the point of being too tight even, using position better, and my total aggression numbers are way up. Now, if I can just improve my river aggression and save bets more effectively when beat...

I figure one more day to clear the January bonus and then I can cast about for something else to try. It won't be anything but low limits, though, since much of my "bankroll" (ha ha) will be tied up ... Crypto sites require a PIN to cash out, and I hear it's supposed to be 2 weeks or so before you get one. Stupid international snail mail. I should try and figure out if you have to request it, or if it comes automatically -- anyone know? Drizz?

I've read about how people hate the Crypto software. I won't say that I love it, but it's not awful. Certainly it's better than iPoker (Titan, Noble, etc), and no worse than Prima or Party.

I WON'T advocate that you go play there -- the games, during U.S. prime time at least, are TIGHT. All bonus whores. Tonight, I had three 2/4 full ring tables up -- the TABLE VPIP%s were 18, 19 and 20. There are a couple live ones, but you're doing well to find two on the same table. I suspect things are better during Euro prime time, but hey, I have to work for a living ya know.

Anyway, enough of the me, me, me stuff. Let's talk about something else. Today's topic: THE RAKE. Here's a picture:



I know the sample sizes are small, but this is an indication of the "player friendliness" of PokerStars and Full Tilt -- LOWER RAKE. The rake number for Party is skewed $0.50 per hand or thereabouts, since almost all of those are Bad Bead Jackpot hands, but it's still higher by nearly 20%. Crypto is (surprise) the highest of the bunch. I wish I'd set up Pokerroom to save hand histories - doh! - but I hear that at the lower limits the rake is truly horrific.

No deep analysis here, just another reminder: Full Tilt and Poker Stars care. One more reason to play there. Oh, and yeah, there are plenty of fish at Party. Just not me, until they offer me another reload...

Go read some other blogs. There are a large number of posts worth reading right now. I could just cut and paste (with attribution, of course) any number of things and say "now THIS is what I'm talking about". But I won't, mostly because I'm lazy.

Go read some other blogs. This one has nothing much to say. But, since I am who I am -- you'd think I'm here to bore my readers to tears -- here's an update.

The New Year has commenced favorably. I stacked up a couple bonuses at Interpoker, so that's where I played yesterday. It was a good day. Scratch that. For me (translation: I suck and I play low limits), it was a VERY good day.

Happiness is being up 6 buyins at your PLO table. Trust me on that one.

And then there's the 90%VPIP, 80%PFR maniac who spent some time on my right at a 2/4 HE table. That didn't make me unhappy, either.

From the "this never happens" file, I was even recognized at a table -- I'm not an internet celebrity (maybe I need more pictures of Jessica Alba) or anything. The funniest part was that I was identified not as a blogger, but for being a 'character' on Dr. Pauly's blog.

I can't really explain it, but I found this hilarious. Thanks Hexum for the chuckle.

Anyway, that's enough for now. As is usually the case when I don't get much sleep, me and teh words aren't getting along.