No real content, since I haven't playing or thinking much.

Unless repeated observations of "man, this sucks" count as thinking. Or possibly, "WTF am I still doing alive in this tournament given how horribly I'm playing?", which is what I'm thinking right now.

So instead of legit poker content, I offer you, the wayward reader, a smattering of random off-the-cuff observations. Let's dig in.

Has there ever been a softer 7-foot white guy than Darko Milicic? I fully expect him to be outfought for a rebound by Earl Boykins the next time the Pistons play Denver. I now remember why I don't watch NBA games.

Bill Simmons' commentary on the NBA is much more entertaining than the game itself. On the subject of All Star weekend: "If you're a 6-foot-9 guy who could pass for an NBA player, spend two grand on an Armani suit, fly yourself to the NBPA party next February, load up on some Viagra, then tell every girl you meet that you're a reserve forward on the Raptors or Hornets. There's a decent chance you could have sex 35 times in three hours."

I really need to steal the blinds more often.

My new favorite "who dat?" actor from the 80s is Chris Penn. The immortal Willard from "Footloose". What ever happened to him, anyway? Never mind. He's got more than 50 films to his credit, and appears to have gained a ton of weight. Rock on, Christopher.

The art of playing junk hands is far more entertaining live than it is on the internet.

I just saw someone try a resteal with K4o. Sucks when it fails, doesn't it?

Five random things I've watched on TV lately while not sleeping:
1. An informercial for the Q Grill.
2. Most of "Road House" for about the third time in 2005.
3. Iron Chef America, the series.
4. Beavis and Butt-head reruns on MTV2.
5. Reruns of Conan O'Brien from October 2004.

Okay, seriously, if I don't start getting some better cards, I'm going to be out of this thing real soon.

Speaking of seriously, I feel for those out there in the blogoverse who've been dealt bad beats by life lately. Hang in there folks.

For some reason, I've had "Please Come To Boston" by Dave Loggins stuck in my head for about three hours. Please make it stop.

There are days when I want to ask, in all seriousness, what those cards are with the "A", "K", "Q" and "J" are. Whining about crappy cards is decidedly toolish, but is it so much to ask to get at least one pocket pair higher than sevens? Okay, that's twice now that I've folded a baby pocket pair and it flopped a set -- and would have lost to something better. Maybe 10-4 off isn't such a bad hand.

I've been in the bottom five in chip count in this tournament for more than an hour. During that time, we've lost more than 50 players.

There is a very good chance that I will never be asked to live blog anything.

Okay, one orbit or so of hands as they happen -- if I have enough chips left to survive it -- as we near the money (I'm the shortest of 26 players left): 73o, 75o, T7s, J8o (BB), Q3o (SB), J8o (Button), KJo, A5o (hey! things are looking up!), Q8s, 95s, J6o (BB), J9o (SB), K4o (Button), 63o, I'm absolutely toast with less than 2 BB left, 62o, J7o, how the &*^%! am I supposed to push with this junk?, A6o -- all in UTG & double up against Q2o in the BB, KJo (BB) all in doubles up against 65s in the SB. And I'm not the shortest stack left anymore! J3o (SB), 84o (Button), we've lost a player, A8o, J7s -- danger hand, T4s, J8o, K2o (BB) folded to all-in aggro on my right, WE'RE IN THE MONEY! T3o (SB), 64o (Button), K7o, T3o, WOW! AQs! Doubled up against AJ! Q6o, T3s, 75o, 64o (BB), Q7o (SB), 86s (Button), 93o, K2o, Q2o, 85o, K3o, 97s, 52o (BB), AQo (SB) lost to tiny stack with AA, QJo, K7o, Q4o, 74o, 76s, 76o (BB), 52o (SB), A5o (Button), 32o, T4s, Q6s & I again have less than 2 BBs, T4s, 94o (BB) time to push, ugh, not likely to triple up with this crap. I lose. 15th Place.

The above paragraph makes me want to throw up. I promise not to do it again any time soon.

One last thought.

Someday I will be somewhere -- either at a news conference or on Party Poker, where someone will ask me the following classic question from "NewsRadio":

Question: What did you mean when you said, “Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey, donkey donkey.”?

In fact, I think the very next time I suck out on someone after playing the hammer, I'm going to use that very line.

FISH>you * you piece of * you play * like that?
ME> FEEL MY SKILLS, DONKEY DONKEY DONKEY, DONKEY DONKEY!

I'm out.